Review: Paddington 2

Paddington 2 (2018) - Paul King

       Look, let's just get this out of the way: I didn't cry during Paddington 2, which is a sequel to the children's movie Paddington, about (presumably, I've never seen it) a CGI bear who was British before he moved to London, and ya know, made friends and shit? It's based on an old English children's book series (presumably, I've never read it) and the main thing I knew about it before today was that he wore a red hat, and a blue coat, and I definitely didn't cry during the sequel that I saw today. I didn't go to see this movie by myself, a 30-year-old adult (however I do use that word lightly), a children's movie with a fake bear and a British accent who teaches us about manners and eats marmalade sandwiches, and I definitely didn't cry at the end when everyone in the town comes together to prove Paddington right, that if you keep your head on straight and actually care about the people around you, whether they're your family or even a scary, complete stranger, then things might just work out your way. I didn't fucking cry, okay?

       I totally cried, folks. This movie! Where the fuck did this movie come from? Sure I vaguely remember not giving a shit when the first one came out a few years ago, and I remember a few months ago seeing the trailer for this one, similarly not giving a shit, and then moving on with my life (however I do use that word lightly). But then two things happened. 1) Moviepass, ensuring I will probably see anything in theatres (except The Greatest Showman because even I don't have such a strong sense of self-loathing that I would subject myself to that grease-burn of a movie), and 2) It has great reviews and a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. What the actual fuck? My favorite movie reviewer, who I shall not name here, but you know who you aaaare (you do not know who you are. Well, I mean, you probably do, but not like, in the sense that you're my favorite movie reviewer...not yet), apparently loved it, and perfect RT score? I'm not trying to say I follow everything the Great Golden Tomato decries (although I will admit for the most part it is pretty accurate, for my tastes at least. The people who are complaining about its scores should just make better fucking movies), but a ridiculous CGI bear kids sequel getting that high up there was definitely of note. I know as a critic (I'm not a critic, like at all) I shouldn't be justifying why I saw a movie, but I wanted to illustrate just how uninterested I would normally be in a ridiculous CGI Bear kids sequel.

       To the total credit of Paddington 2, I did not have to have seen Paddington the First (there were some bank robbery fallout story lines from the first, and a few very violent flashback sex scenes that probably would have been more powerful and made more sense with some context, but other than that I was totally able to figure it out and also I'm lying a lot). Paddington (Ben Wishaw) was rescued as a wee cub by two charming bears who had to permanently delay their trip to London to raise the new addition to their family. It's very sweet but also has a tiny hint of longing to it, and there's some melancholy when Paddington discusses how it was her (Aunt Lucy, as he calls her) greatest dream to see England. Which is why Paddington wants to get his widowed aunt (read: mother) the perfect 100th birthday present for her, and he's awe-struck when he finds a pop-up book of all the greatest sites of London. Good lord, one paragraph into the summary of Paddington 2 and I've already discussed a longing melancholy. What the fuck is this movie?

       Okay, what this movie really is is pure and earnest and above all, overwhelmingly sweet. Paddington firmly believes in the tried and true words of his Aunt Lucy (Imelda Staunton) that "When you are polite the world is good and right." Did that sentence make you want to die a little bit? Okay, good, I'm not alone. But director Paul King with his screenplay co-written by Simon Farnaby do something surprising: they actually create this kind of world where good deeds go rewarded and people are genuine and caring. Of course this world is complete nonsense and completely unrealistic, but there is a commitment that absolutely works throughout. It's the kind of world where people band together to make speeches and help out complete strangers, where even the bad guys get a happy ending. It's absolutely inane, but is done with some genuine care that it never gets stupid, it stays right at sweet and silly. And while it's not surprising to create idealized worlds for a children's movie, but what is surprising is that they do it without being saccharine or annoying. For a kid's movie, that's nuts.

       The movie, of course, is for kids. So there's plenty of goofy, slapsticky comedy involving a bear that was never actually there on set (because it's fake, and made with computers, because apparently you can't make bears "do things for you") doing things like accidentally shaving a guy's head, or trying to wash windows with a bucket of water that's too heavy. And absolutely, kid's movies should appeal to kids, but what makes this movie work well is that the parts that could normally be pretty stupid are done with so much sweetness that they go from being stupid to being very silly. And I like silly. Silly is good. Throw in an actually pretty decently animated bear (it's CGI, remember? And just to be clear, CGI animals next to real humans almost 100% of the time look like awkward nightmare fuel) that is cute as heck and so polite ya just wanna barf, and this movie is  entertaining throughout.
       The other thing that this movie definitely has going for it is, and this is also surprising, is the humans! When are the human counterparts in kid's movies like these anything but an annoying distraction and an obvious excuse to cut down on costs instead of just making an entirely fucking animated movie? Answer? Garfield 3: Feline Fine in the City (I made that up right now and I am not a 100% sure that it's not a real title). But actually, the cast in the movie is fantastic. Sally. Hawkins. Is. In. It. Sally Hawkins!!! Anything that can ever remind me of The Shape of Water I want immediately stuffed in all my face holes. I love her so much, and she brings the same heartfelt and sincerity to her role as here as Paddington's second mother. She's bubbly and excited and honest and an absolute delight (I almost wish she didn't talk, but that's neither here nor there. Gah, I liker her as an actor so much).

       Brandon Gleeson, a welcome addition to any movie, is the grumpy inmate chef (oh yeah, Paddington gets framed and sent to prison in this movie. It's wild) who clunks around and makes ridiculous faces like his granddaughter was just off-camera and he was trying to make her laugh and it's adorable and very silly and so earnest it works. And then Hugh Grant plays a more insane (like legit insane, it was kinda dark, and therefore funny) version of himself as the evil actor who steals the pop-up book that frames Paddington. All the human actors involved (and two of the narwhal cameos) were really well done, displaying once again that the filmmakers involved actually gave a shit when they were making this movie.
       The movie has some really nice sequences and animated flourishes and look really good. It's cute and sweet and has some fun action throughout as well. And it successfully sells its message of friendship and good manners, as much as I may have resisted it while I was watching it. Paddington is just so good and kind no matter where he goes he can leave an infectious happiness that transforms everyone around him to being a better person. That single idea makes me feel ill, and yet this movie never actually made me feel that way.

       And then...ugh, okay, and then there's the end scene...where like...okay, so at the end it's like...it's just really sweet because...and then his...and all his friends...they all...and all the people that he helped throughout the movie, they all...and then like he opened the door at the end and it was...oh my god it was so sweet and so amazing, ugh. I am NOT getting teary eyed right now, okay?
       I am. I am getting teary-eyed. I really liked this movie. It was cute as hell.

Grade: A Hundred Marmalade Sandwiches

My biggest complaint with the movie is that when he transform the prison cafeteria into a cake and tea shop (like I said this movie is ridiculous) they don't make ANY savory items. All sweets and desserts. C'mon, Paddington. Don't you wanna eat some Shepard's Pie or some Fish and Chips or somthing? Damn, dude.